I had a hard day at work, its becoming habitual, kind of getting used to it. I hardly know the dates and days; I just remember the target numbers!
I get up haggard, to let another day take toil on me. Breakfast is just a glass of milk or a fruit, but "make up" is must, u got to be presentable. Nobody bothers if your starving or full, just a fake smile will do. After the initial struggle (mad rush-where is my brush, paste, where the hell is my favorite lipstick) between the time i wake up….. to the time I rush out of my home
Another struggle... is reaching office! Bangalore auto drivers are very moody (read nasty), with very few exceptions rather. Faulty meters, the look they give if you are glamorously dressed (u call it presentable, some conservative people out there who are hell bent on saving Indian culture call it provocative!), I always go defensive to tell Mr. auto driver that I have traveled the road 1000 times to know the fares better than him, some agree, some abruptly stop asking me to get down. Time is rather tricky it always runs super fast when you are running late to office. I send an sms to my boss(!) apologizing of being late, he does not reply back(means he is annoyed!, I should shift my house to where he stays, damn it! he is always on time!!) another struggle over......
After terrorist attacks across the globe, every single individual is frisked and checked but I don’t know how those damned terrorist get away with it!.... my bags checked at the entrance, at the lift lobby.....poor souls find just my make up kit, a book,keys,mobile....they look disappointed!...another struggle over......
Well! Real struggle begins when I enter the office; I smile at everyone as if I am darn happy to have reached the office. Some smile back, some don’t, some stare, and some gossip! Boss is still angry unless I talk how passionate I am to do (UN) achievable targets. He smiles.....Another struggle over...
Even the comp looks scary, checking mails (office mails bore me to death, unofficial ones inspires me!), fixing calls, talking sweet on the phone with clients to discuss his financial goals (some have made blunder with theirs, some are dumb enough not to know what is theirs, some are always busy (24/7), some nice chap says come over, we will discuss the plans available).....At last out of office...another struggle over....
I travel 30 km to meet prospective client to discover he is held up in meetings for entire day, what a jerk! I visualize of killing him and spending my entire life in jail. Nope, I can’t let one client ruin my day (I let pursuit of happyness inspire me....it always works) another struggle over.
Lunch in some posh place(if I got to use the fresh room), my choice of restaurants depends on their fresh rooms and my urgency to use fresh room, food is just a bahana or else even some reasonably decent place would do(read no lousy guys around who stare at a woman who eats alone or waits for bus alone or travels alone, u see such women are easy preys!!!,they forget such women would always land them in trouble as they would not mind creating ruckus, assertive ones) another struggle over.....
Post lunch, some more calls......back to office. I become center of attraction, eyes speaks hell lot here...my boss's eyes implores me, asking any biz? ...I shrug my shoulders, his wrath devours me.....oh god! Let the earth part rite now and take me in, nothing of such thing happens...another struggle over....
I wrap up the day, preparing for another day of struggle..........
But how many days have passed with such struggles!! Does economically independent super woman means such struggles! I don’t know...maybe. How long will I continue to do so!!....I don’t know.
Have I become a robot, a machine.... when was the last time, I saw sun rising, sun setting or counted stars.... when did I admire a flower blossom? When did I genuinely smile at people or came home early to prepare chai for my mother who longs to spend some time with me (no wonder my gifts don’t excite her, she looks happy when i am around blabbering), when did I last visit my friends, when was the last time i hugged them, went for a long walk, when did i last spoke to a forgotten friend, when did i go out without any care in the world or without make up....... Gosh! What has happened to my precious life i dreamt of when i was little??!!
I am waiting for a perfect life to happen......i have forgotten life happened to me everyday. I exchanged what ever i do daily to a day in life.
Real time to introspect.........
I hope i find happiness in little things.......U know…pursuit of happyness.
Happiness Always
Jael
hi jael!
ReplyDeleteindeed a nice one!"Does economically independent super woman means such struggles" - this would be for any women - i see my own mother - a house wife - hers too is.
And MEN too face the same - may be the only thing is they dont show it is cud be b'coz of the societal norms " men are supposed to" or the fact that "they normally dont sit for a few seconds to analyse the reality - happy(enacting/far from understanding that they are enacting). The best reply apart from the above could be " they have WOMEN to the analysis part"
Every moment of life we spend makes us feel proud to be a Women - no matter the struggles or the inequalities
Nice read
ReplyDeleteHi Jayeel,
ReplyDeleteVery nice article. You know, struggle is everyehere for everybody. Whats make it different is the attitude. I like your updates on routine mentioned very casually. I also feel the same about the missing opportunities with near and dear ones.
Blogs are better way to share emotional feelings. And same will happen if you get very nice friend whose emotional wavelengths are logically matching. You will feel great warmth and comfort sharing your lively moments with him/her.
Truely, your feelings brought meaning and helped me to think out of routine.
Thanks again for sharing.
ಜಾಯೆಲ್ ನಿನ್ನ ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ ನೋಡಿದೆ, ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ ಲೋಕಕ್ಕ ಸ್ವಾಗತ, ಬಾಳ ದಿನದಿಂದ ನಂದೂ ಒಂದು ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ ಇದೆ ಖಾಸಗಿ ಡೈರಿ ಅಂತ. ಸದ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ಕನ್ನಡದ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು, ನನ್ನ ಅನುಭವದಿಂದ ಹೇಳ್ತೇನೆ, ನಿನ್ನ ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ ನ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಜನರಿಗೆ ತೋರಿಸೋದು ಹೇಗೆ ಅಂತ. 20 ಕ್ಕೂ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಲೈನು ಬರೀಬೇಡ. ಮತ್ತು ನಿನ್ನ ಬ್ಲಾಗ್ ಹೆಸರು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ನೆನಪಾಗುವಂತೆ ಇರಿಲಿ, ಈಗ ಬಂರೆದಿರೋ ಲೇಖನ ಸೂಪರ್. ಹಾಗೆ ಬರೀತಾ ಇರು.
ReplyDeleteನಂಗೆ ಒಳ್ಳೇ ಇಂಗ್ಲೀಷ್ ಬರಲ್ಲಾ ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಕನ್ನಡದಲ್ಲಿ ಬರೆದೆ. ಆಯ್ತಾ..
Sangeeta i agree with u;-).
ReplyDeleteITL High- Thanks.
Vinay, just take a chill pill,ditch ur routine life and njoy life wit friends n family.
And dear srinivas...Thanks a ton for ur inputs and not knowing english is acceptable but not knowing kannada is crime! One day i wish to write in kannada too:-)
Happiness is a state of mind! Many of us are trying to pursue happiness rather than being happy about what we have or do! Super women think life has become mechanical and homemakers wish they could do something thats more stimulating.Its alwayz greener on the other side!
ReplyDeleteI think your problem is that u r not being able to strike a balance between ur personal & professional life.Becoz of recession if u cant get weekends off consider this phase as the busiest phase of ur life which is going to get over soon.As they say if u cant change things start accepting it! life becomes bearable!
Jael, Very nice description of ur day out... It really details out ur day. I am sure that u'll agree that Life will always remain tough no matter whr we landup, but its in our hands to take the lead to Njoy the life by doing wat interests us and by making others smile/happy..
ReplyDeleteAfter reading ur article, I too wud want to write 'my day out', someday very soon...
U seem to write as if u desperately want to change the situation. If it is so u can do it now the choice in u r life is always ur’s but what abt the desires u hv. U can love the simplicity of a villager but for a change, not always u r being hypocrite abt the whole if u try to be what u want to be u can. A rose flower never tries to be a lily they r utterly contended. U write very biased look at the whole story with a man in it. He catches auto ends in a fight. What ever he dresses but the one whom he likes is never impressed, the cops love to know what is in the girls bag they just tell the man to get lost or wait in long lines. The boss is never impressed if male thinks if this guy does good he goes to top position if its female boss she turns to be a female chauvinist working on women liberation movement.
ReplyDeleteIt is like only one thing i want & that is everything...words can create illusion of a good writer but the reality is....
I Agree with what jael said about Auto drivers.
ReplyDeleteSome are real jerks and are just impossible.But there is a positive side to it. I learned my first lessons of Kannada by Arguing with them.
just for the survival.Two years passed but still they are the catalysts who keeps my wish to learn the Kannada alive.Guro Pranamam!!! :P